The Mobian Food Chain
by Archaon
Summary: One-Shot. Tails and Cream need to survive alone in a wild forest for a day. Unfortunately for the two-tailed vulpine, his rabbit friend is not aware what getting food entails.


**The Mobian Food Chain**

**A 'Sonic the Hedgehog' One-shot**

**By Archaon**

**-z-z-**

"Again, I'm so sorry to trouble you", apologized Cream, inclining her head.

Miles 'Tails' Prower smiled a bit even as he sighed. While he didn't turn around to actually see her gesture, he could probably guess. Really, Cream Rabbit was too polite sometimes. "And again I'm telling you it's no trouble", he replied without turning. He needed to keep his hands on the X-Tornado's controls, after all. "I didn't mind flying to Downunda and back. Your relatives were very hospitable, too. I wasn't even aware Sonic and I were so famous there."

"I could have taken a commercial plane, you know. It wouldn't have been much of a difference", she responded hesitantly.

The fox snorted at that. "Even though I don't have an emerald to power it up, the X-Tornado makes the distance ten times faster than those clunky, primitive sardine cans." He smiled and it was heard in his voice. "Besides, I love flying. It's been some time since I got to cover such a distance and I needed a break from my new invention."

Cream blinked at that. "You have trouble with what you are trying to build?" she asked a bit naively.

The industrious vulpine was more than happy to answer that. "It's not trouble as in 'I don't know what to do', it's just the trouble of having to do a chunk of boring calculations before getting to the fun part. I have designed a gravity-based accelerator that works by synchronizing the frequencies of a constant succession of Power rings to strengthen or weaken our reality's dimensional barriers in regards to gravity waves. It will allow me to bypass the conservation of momentum theorem and achieve fuel-less propulsion in vacuum. It's hard to calculate the tiny differences between every ring's frequency, though, and unless I find a way to automate that, I'll have to use trial and error methods. In fact..."

The younger rabbit, of course, had no chance of keeping up, a fact the piloting fox would frequently forget. Instead, she unconsciously closed her eyes, letting his gentle but excited voice to drive her to sleep. She hated to be so rude, but despite the Tornado's speed, the whole visit and round trip would take almost 24 hours. She calculated they needed another six hours to reach Emerald City, where her mother was waiting, and she really felt exhausted.

She was rudely awakened some time later, yelping as the whole plane shook. "What is going on?" she asked, not fully conscious yet.

"Eggman's bots", replied Tails laconically, his demeanor cool and focused. He was a good pilot and he knew it. He had flown through chaos and fire and he could do so again.

Cream looked around her in dismay. While she was able to fight effectively despite her age, she knew nothing about piloting. The fact she had let Cheese, her chao and combat partner, with her mother, to spare him the long journey, did nothing to bolster her confidence.

Her train of thought was rudely interrupted when Tails caused the Tornado to sharply veer upwards and to the right. A cluster of ten missiles passed by, narrowly missing their target. "I've never seen these Badniks before. Must be a new model. We probably stumbled on their testing day and they decided we were swell targets of opportunity", muttered the fox, mostly to himself.

His rabbit passenger tried very hard to keep focused and fight back dizziness as Tails went all out, flying his fighter jet like a Mobian possessed, looping and barrel-rolling all over the sky, a sky, she noticed, that had started to fill with black clouds.

Before Cream could properly process that little tidbit of information, she almost flew out of her seat, her safety belt the only thing saving her from smashing through the plane's glass canopy. Blinking to clear the moisture from her eyes, she realized what the ace fox pilot had done. Through of mixture of unfathomable maneuvering, Tails had performed an about face just as he had switched his plane to Cyclone mode.

Now flying backwards, with the leg-mounted thrusters right under the cockpit, he had brought all enemy bots right into his sights. "Hold tight", ordered Tails, although it was quite redundant a suggestion- Cream had been doing that from the very beginning.

The X-Cyclone performed admirably under his guidance, virtually an extension of his will. Many of the new Eggman robots had already been reduced to scrap under a barrage of missiles, gattling bursts and lasers. Even when the brewing storm broke out, lightning shooting between supercharged clouds, Tails managed to keep his act together, tensing all over and grinding his teeth, but not losing his focus.

Cream, on the other hand, found herself trembling, even though unlike her friend, she didn't have any particular aversion to lightning. She tightly closed her eyes, then a booming sound echoed and her mind went blank.

**-z-z-**

Cream blinked groggily, trying and failing to recall when she had fallen asleep . It took her four full minutes to remember the fight and the storm, but when she did, she shot up like a jack from a box. The only reason she failed to brain herself on the X-Tornado's canopy was because said canopy was open.

Blinking dumbly, she took in her surroundings, wincing as she rubbed a painful bump on her head. The jet had apparently landed in what appeared to be a forest clearing. The landing hadn't exactly been smooth, judging from the trench she could spy behind the plane, but it had hardly been a crash. The tornado seemed mostly intact.

"Tails? Where are you?" she asked, unable to keep a measure of fear and worry off her voice.

"Cream!" exclaimed said fox, emerging from underneath the plane. "You got knocked out. How do you feel?" asked Tails while resting a heavy-looking wrench on his shoulder.

The young doe jumped off her seat, using her ears and chaos powers to float to the ground. The action, unfortunately, did not agree with her fast-developing headache and she stumbled, although Tails expected as such and had been ready to catch her with his twin tails.

"Thanks", she exclaimed, quite a bit embarrassed.

The fox smiled even as he sighed. "Don't push yourself too much. You've been out for five hours."

Cream made sure she could stand on her own, then pulled away from Tails' namesakes. "I'll be fine. What happened?" she asked, regarding the X-Tornado. One of the panels underneath was open and the prodigal fox had obviously been tinkering there.

Tails frowned, one of his ears folding back. "We were hit by lightning", he explained, his voice breaking a bit. With his finger he pointed at a black, charred spot on one of the wings. The metal around was a bit melted and deformed, but otherwise looked okay. "Normally, it would have been harmless. All modern planes have surge protectors, isolated interiors and electrostatic wicks. The Tornado also has a layer of ceramic shielding under the outer hull."

While Cream only understood half of the explanation, Tails went on. "In fact, I think we were hit a dozen times before the last one", he added, trying to keep his voice even. It was common knowledge Tails hated lighting with a passion. "However, one of Eggman's bots blew up a little too close to us. A piece a shrapnel managed to pierce the armor and lodge close to a vulnerable area." Cream blinked as he indicated a discarded piece of jagged, blackened metal. "It acted like a lightning rod. Half the systems went down, but I managed to blast the last bot and land."

Cream nodded slowly. "How bad is it?" she asked tentatively.

The sapient fox sighed, this tone a bit defeated. "If we were in my workshop, it would be a five minute job. Without spare parts and tools, it will take me a day more. The radio is burned, too, and we can't call for help unless I decide to dismantle some more important system. If it's ok with you, I prefer to fix the plane instead. We are in the middle of wilderness and a rescue team would take more time.

The young rabbit's eyes lowered a bit, but then her usual cheerfulness kicked in. "It's alright. We can make a picnic out of it. Mom didn't know how long the trip would take, so she won't be worried!"

Tails was not unaffected by her mood, also laughing. "Sure, I have a heavy blanket in the Tornado, too. We can spread it under a tree shade", his visage dropped a bit. "There is a clean water stream nearby, but we hardly have any food. A couple of apples won't be enough for a day."

Cream contemplated that for a while, then smiled again. "We can certainly find something edible around here", she responded, looking around.

The young fox nodded slowly, rubbing his nose a bit. "Let me grab something and we'll wander about a bit", he replied. Cream watched him as he floated to his seat on the tornado and retrieved a futuristic-looking pistol. She raised a brow at that. Between the two of them they had enough power to take down most threats, so she wasn't sure what he intended to do with it.

Five minutes later, they were walking along the trees, reveling in the clean air. "Do you think we can gather any berries?" she asked while skipping next to him.

Tails shook his head. "Wrong season", he replied. "Also I was thinking of something a bit more substantial", before Cream could ask him to elaborate, he raised his weapon and a beam-like shot was released. A flicky bird fell from a tree branch.

Cream's eyes went wide. "Why did you do that?" she exclaimed, running at the downed bird and picking it up. "What did the poor birdie ever did to you", she demanded, sniffing a bit.

Tails raised a brow. "I'll have you know flickies are a delicacy. I even have the spices to cook them over open fire."

The younger rabbit glared at him. "That's so mean. Amy told me she had a flicky friend. And I thought you admired birds!"

The fox rolled his eyes. "Lily and her family were mutant flickies. You can tell the difference by how much chaos energy exists in their body. I know you can also feel it. The smart ones are the ones Eggman uses. This one is not sentient. And of course I admire birds. Before I met Sonic, I would have starved in the wilds without them."

"You are horrible, Tails! Now help me bury the poor bird", she demanded, yelping when said supposedly deceased bird pecked her painfully and flew away.

"I used a stun setting", offered Tails trying not to laugh in her face. "I wanted to keep it fresh."

"No birds!" demanded the rabbit, very intently.

Tails' ears drooped a little and his tails sagged. "But they taste neat." His nose twitched a bit and he looked to his side. "How about a rabbit then", he inquired, not waiting for an answer before raising his pistol again.

"Miles Tails Prower!" Exclaimed Cream in indignation, causing his target to bolt. "How can you even think of eating a relative of mine? Didn't Sonic teach you better?"

Tails frowned, this time glaring back. "I'll have you know that biologically I'm closer related to you than that thing", he riposted, folding his arms defensively. "As for Sonic, my rabbit stew happens to be his second favorite food after chilly dogs." When his companion did not respond, he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Fine, no rabbit then. I guess some humans don't like the idea of eating monkeys either. What about a deer? There should be many in this type of forest."

Cream eyed him as if he was a stranger. "What's wrong with you and wanting to eat all these poor animals?" she demanded.

The fox raised a brow. "What? Your mother never cooks meat?"

Cream blinked at that. "Of course she does. She doesn't kill defenseless animals to get it, though, she buys it at the market", she explained, regarding him as if she doubted his intelligence.

That made Tails angry, but instead of showing it, he eyed her with half-lidded eyes. "And where do you think that meat comes from? It's not growing on trees, you know."

The sapient rabbit frowned at that. "I don't know", she replied at length.

"I'll tell you", replied Tails, grinning toothily. "They keep animals in closed pens, they make sure they are well-fed, then they slaughter them in cold blood, skin them, hang them to drain the blood and sell their meat to the market", he explained. A part of him felt guilty for being so descriptive, but nobody got away thinking he was an idiot.

Cream looked about ready to start bawling by now. "It, it can't be true..."

Tails looked away, sighing a bit. "It's completely natural. Feral rabbits might be herbivores, but you, like all mobians, are an omnivore. That's what you get by millennia of evolution and interspecies mating and I can prove it to you."

Despite feeling horrible for all the 'poor animals' she had eaten in her life, Cream's curiosity was piqued at that. "How can you prove it?"

The fox smirked very smugly. "I bet you have carnivore teeth, which will mean you are meant to eat meat. Go on, open your mouth and let me see."

Cream hesitated a bit, since her mother had told her keeping her mouth open is rude, then complied. Tails took a look, then his eyes went wide and he paled. "Tails? What's wrong?" she asked, seeing as the industrious kit wasn't about to speak.

Tails regarded her intently. "I wasn't aware you had two rows of teeth in your mouth", he replied evenly.

The rabbit blinked. "What's wrong with having more than one row?" she asked naively.

The fox sighed. "Nothing wrong with it, but it would mean one of your ancestors was a shark or something."

Cream smiled. "Sure, my dad was a shark", she exclaimed, not seeing anything wrong with it. Her visage drooped a bit. "Mom, doesn't talk about him and gets all sad when I ask her, but I've seen photos."

Tails approached a tree and proceeded to bash his head a few times. "Was it something I said?" inquired the rabbit, a bit worried.

The older fox turned to face her, placing both hands on her shoulders. "Cream; sharks, feral or mobian, are perhaps the most ravenous of carnivores. The mere idea of you having an aversion for hunting is utterly ludicrous!"

Cream laughed a bit sheepishly at his outburst. "It's just that they are so cute, small and harmless", she replied trying to defend herself. "I know that we have to eat, but couldn't we try for something... less helpless?"

Tails sighed, letting her go and surveying their surroundings. "There must be wild boars around her, but if that's not fierce enough for you, I saw some bear tracks earlier."

The rabbit turned to chastise her friend for mocking her, stopping short when she realized he was serious. "A bear?" she asked incredulously. "But that's dangerous!"

Her foxy companion slapped a hand on his face. "Cream. Even without cheese to help you, I have seen you kicking through robot armor, dodging bullets and blocking metal claws. I assure you that the average bear is weaker than a killer robot, slower than a supersonic projectile and its bones are brittle compared to four inches of titanium armor."

"But..." tried the young doe.

"We are chaos users", he interrupted her. "Barring Eggman's creations or some mystical horror, there is nothing in this forest that could possibly harm us."

Cream sighed. "A bear it is, then", she relented.

**-z-z-**

Tails watched amused as his companion did her best to eat as fast as possible without forsaking her table manners. The night had just fallen and they were sitting by a campfire, roasting their pieces of meat.

Cream noticed he was watching her and blush a deep crimson in response. "I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble, Tails. I guess I was a bit ignorant about surviving in the wilds."

Tails sighed pleasantly, taking a bite from his own meat. They had spotted their bear soon after their little chat and while Cream had done her best to remain stoic, she was forced to leave when the fox had started skinning it, lest she pass out from nausea.

"You've lived all your life in the city, Cream. You never needed to know these things before", he consoled her.

She regarded him intently after that, her head tilting to the side a bit. "Where did you learn how to hunt and cook like that?"

Tails looked down a bit, staring at the radiant flames before him. "When I was three or four years old, I woke up alone in a house on Cocoa Island with no memory of my past or my family. Instead, I knew droves of useful things, including survival skills. That was months before I met Sonic." He carefully omitted any mention of the battlebird armada. He still wasn't sure whether his actions had been justified.

Cream looked at him in awe. "You mean you could do all these things when you were half my age?" she exclaimed incredulously. "Tails, you are so cool!"

Said fox laughed very embarrassed at that, his tails twisting and untwisting behind him. In addition to the hunting part, he had also foraged mushrooms, roots and even some edible leaves, not to mention the spices. He had known how to light a safe fire, what kind of wood to use for the spits and how much seasoning to add. Normally, he didn't even question how he knew these things, but Cream's outburst certainly made him wonder.

They finished their meal in comfortable silence, Tails looking at the starlit sky all the time. "What are you thinking", asked Cream after a while, apparently bored.

Tails smiled at her. "I just figured out how to solve that problem back in my workshop. Now the Blue Typhoon will almost be ready", he answered, his eyes going wide and his hand covering his mouth a second later.

Cream raised a brow. "What's a blue typhoon?" she asked curiously.

The prodigal vulpine gulped a bit, then straightened. "That's my secret project, Cream", he replied solemnly. "And you won't hear another pip from me about it."

The younger rabbit pouted at that, relenting when her pleading expression failed to move him. "Fine, be that way", she snapped, only half-serious. "But I want to ask you about something else. Can you tell me how you figured out about my dad being a shark?"

Tails eyed her a bit amused, one of his tails rubbing his chin. "Sure. It's not that hard. Mobians of different species become couples all the time. Usually, their kids take most characteristics from one parent and only a little thing or two from the other. Like you, for example. True hybrids do exist, like a bat giving birth to a cat with wings and echolocation, or something, but they are rare", he replied, glad to offer his knowledge.

Cream squinted a bit, but also smiled, happy she had understood. "That's good to know. I wonder, when I grow up, will my kids be able to fly with their ears, too?"

Her companion seemed a bit uneasy at that, but nodded. "It's possible, I guess", he replied, wishing he could change the subject. He had a hunch this line of questioning could get very awkward.

He was right. "What I don't get, though, is how daddies put the babies in mommies", she wondered, mostly to herself. "I wanted to ask mom, but do you know Tails?" Cream blinked at her fox friend's hunched and apparently asleep form and smiled. "Poor Tails, he must be exhausted", she whispered to herself. Then, without a second thought, she lied right next to him and hugged him, giggling as his back fur tickled her nose. "Goodnight Tails", she finished, closing her eyes.

A very awake and very still Miles Prower did his best not to sigh in relief. There was no way he was going to answer that question of Cream's, not for all the machine blueprints of the world.

**-z-z-**

**The End**

And there you have it, my second Sonic one-shot. While the first was drama, I wanted to make this funny, although I'm not all that satisfied with the humor included. It's a bit more adventur-y than I intended instead. Still scouting the waters around here, might write a real story sometime.

Thank you all for reading and be sure to leave a review. Tell me if you'd like more of this kind of stories.


End file.
